Dealing with a mental illness like Bipolar Disorder is like flipping a coin, you never know what you will land on until the coin hits the ground. One week you are on cloud nine talking a 100 miles per second, and the next week you do not want to get out of the bed to take a shower. It has been about 6 months since I found out that I have Bipolar Disorder. Here is my story.
“Justin, I do not know what is wrong with me,” I cried to my Psych Nurse. “I have had these weird mood changes.” Justin looked at me with concern in his eyes. See, we thought that my agitation was coming from my anxiety, but from the look he was giving me, I could tell it was much deeper than that. “Well, tell me about them, Ariel,” Said Justin.
I began to tell him about a time that I was watching a video on Facebook that was something political. I stood in the middle of the living room, ranting for about an hour while my husband Donta set back with surprise. I did not even know how long it had been until Donta told me. I told him that it was important and that he needed to listen to it. I yelled, “Our freedom is not something we can sweep under the rug.” So, my husband, being the supportive man he is, continue to listen until I tired myself out. This was not even the first time I have held my husband captive by my many rant sessions. Then I told Justin of a time where Donta and I disagreed about something little. When Donta said to me that he did not want to fuss about something so minor, I ran to our room and cried for three hours. It was nothing I could do to stop it. Even when Donta came into the room to hug me and tell me everything will be fine, I still kept crying. That crying spell lasts for a week. I was like a weeklong rainstorm; nothing could get my tears to dry up.
“Well, I know what the problem is,” Justin said reassuringly. “You are Bipolar.” “Bipolar?” I questioned Justin as if he was not the one with years of experience in treating mental illness. “I am so damaged.” “No, you aren’t,” Said Justin. “Your mind just handles things differently from others.” After we talked about the medicine that I would be taking, I walked out of his office with a little clarity. I was afraid, but I knew that I would be okay if I kept myself knowledgeable about my disorder and set my appointments with my Therapist.
If you feel like your world is spinning out of control, do not deal with it alone. Seek help from someone that can provide you with the tools and treatment to get you on track to handling your mental health. Do not think because you have a mental illness that you are broken; you are not. You are strong and built to handle your mental illness. Keep your head up and continue to live in the moment.