My mom told me when I was young, like 2 or 3 years old, my dad and I were thick as thieves. The thing is, I cannot remember that time at all. Would I want to have a closer relationship with my dad? Yes, I do, but sadly I do not think that will happen. When my sister was born, I felt that she would be my dad’s favorite. Not because she would be smarter or would have a better personality, but because she came from a marriage. My dad will never admit that, but I know the truth. Everything was about his wife (his ex-wife now), her sons, and my sister. Around 13, I decided that I did not want to be around them because I felt left out. My dad was not happy about that, but he did not make me feel like I was wanted, so it was best not to be around.
Becoming an adult, he began to talk to me more, which was great, but I was his unofficial therapist. He would call me to vent about work, his ex-wife, and my sister that “won’t listen” to him. As soon as I say that my sister is too much, he would stop me and defend her. “But you said that she was doing too much.” I was said to him. “Your sister is going through a lot because of her mom and I breaking up,” my dad said, “You do not know what she is going through.” I had enough. I asked to meet with him so that I could address my feelings about our relationship. “Ariel, the only reason why we do not have a strong relationship is because you did not live with me like your sister.” He said, looking at me casually. “What does me not living with you have anything to do with having a relationship with me?” I yelled.
I was annoyed that he would even use that as an excuse. I wanted him to say he was sorry and that he would do better, but that did not happen. He dug his heels deeper into the sand. “You just do not get it, Ariel,” He said. “My relationship with your sister is the way that it is because we live together.” I stopped talking and left. All I wanted was to have the inside jokes, my sister and dad shared. I wanted to be able to brag as my sister does about being a daddy’s girl. I am his oldest; I should not feel like an outsider. I am smart, funny, and respectful. Is that not enough for you, daddy?
So today, I posted pictures of myself. I saw I had a comment from my dad, and with excitement, I went on Facebook to read it. He said I was beautiful, and I began to cry. That was all I ever wanted was for him to say I was beautiful publicly. I want him to shout to the world that I am his daughter, and I am beautiful. I want him to be proud of me. Daddy, please be proud of me.
I want every woman that has an estranged relationship with their father to understand this; it is not your fault that he is not showing you the love you need. You are beautiful and deserving of the respect you required. Do not think for a moment you are not golden. You are Golden!