“Ariel is going to school for her Doctoral Degree!” “Ariel is a Director at a childcare center.” These are the statements that my mom makes to people about me on a day-to-day occurrence. I always tell her to stop telling people all of that stuff, but she would just roll her eyes and continue her “Ariel is the best” Parade. I do not feel that I am as smart as my mom and other people think that I am. I feel that I do enough to get by. Man, my therapist would be so upset with what I am saying about myself. But that is how I feel. I feel that I need to push myself harder to be what people think that I am. Ugh! Anxiety, you are such a jerk for making me think like this.
Maybe I need just to take what people are saying to me as encouragement. Perhaps I should stop being so hard on myself. I have to get out of the way and do the best I can. I do not have to be perfect to get things done. I do not have be a genius for people to give me praise. My mom is not saying I am smart because she’s my mom; she’s saying this because she believes in me.
Now the question is, Ariel, will you believe in yourself, or will you allow your anxieties to beat you down?
Many of us suffer with the future because we do not know what will happen. We want to be able to plan our next move, and no matter how well we think we have things mapped out, we are never truly prepared. Our anxiety plays a part in this because it wants to know where we are going before we get there. But how can we fight the unknown? Let’s talk about it.
One way for us to fight the feeling of the unknown is by living in the moment. We cannot change our past, nor do we know if the future is promised us, but we do have the chance to shape our present. When we live in the moment, we can prevent things from happening that may impact our future. We cannot fix anything when we are so fixated on how things were or how things maybe later on down the road. The only way you can calm your anxiety is by thinking about what you can control today.
Another thing is being okay with option number 2 or 7. We come up come with all these plans, but most of us want the very first one to stick. And do not get me wrong, your first one could be the one, however, what do you have for backup if it does not work? I have heard a lot of people say that having options is accepting failure, but that is not true; having other options is being realistic. As the old saying goes, do not put all of your eggs in one basket. By relying on one plan, you are setting yourself up from a major let down if your plan does not go the way you want it to work. Look at how many people we see as successful; they had several plans and options to fall back on if their first plan failed. Do not allow yourself to feel foolish because you want to make sure you have all your options laid in front of you.
To sum this post up, we cannot predict what the unknown looks like to us; but we can enjoy what life has for us today. Life is not a one size fit all. Life is about making choices and learning from them. Love the life you are living, and push through the unknowns. It will be worth it.
I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Ever since I’ve received my first stroller and doll, I knew that I was going to be a mother. Well, as of right now, I am not a mother, and I am becoming very defeated. I have cried every Mother’s Day since I’ve been married. I cry because although I am happy for my friends and family that are mothers, I wish that I could experience the same joy.
Since November, my husband and I have been actively trying to have a baby. I went to my Gynecologist, and he gave me so much hope. He ran tests and checked my eggs. He told me when to try and what medications will increase my chance. But every month, nothing. My mind keeps telling me that I am less than a woman because I cannot get pregnant. I cry every time I see a pregnancy announcement or new birth. When will it be me? I must have done something in my past that has caused me not to be able to become pregnant. But what is it? I want to be able to right this wrong. I look at a baby or a child and immediately wish I had a child to love. My friends tell me that my time is coming, but I do not see it. Maybe it was not meant to be. Everyone cannot be mothers, I guess.
I am trying to remain positive, but it gets harder every day to find that spirit. I know I should not beat myself up, but I cannot help it. The only thing I can do is continue to pray that one day I am blessed to have a little one call me mama. For right now, I can be happy that I am someone’s Aunt and godmother. Hopefully, my dream will come true. It has to come true.
I saw a journal prompt that I would like to share. The prompt asks, What is one way your depression or anxiety has held you back this week? I want to tell you how my anxiety treated me this week, and hopefully, this can help others dealing with their depression or anxiety during this pandemic.
Monday, I wanted to go to the store and pick up some things for my husband and me. As I was going to the store, my stomach was doing flips. I went into the store, trying to gather myself. I went down every aisle I needed to go on and quickly went to the register. I thought I was home free. “You can make it, Ariel,” I said to myself. Then it dawns on me, “I forgot the chips!” I yelled out loud. I did not want to go back into the store I left out of, so I went to a small convenience store. I went in, got the chips my husband wanted, and ran back to the car. My stomach is doing the Salsa at this point. It was taking every fiber in my body not to make the mistake of throwing up on myself. I did that before, and it was not pretty. I pull into the driveway, thinking that I am in the clear, but as soon as I started taking bags out of the car, I had to throw them back into the car and throw up all over the grass. It took me about 10 minutes to gather myself and continue to unload the car. I did not leave out the house for the rest of this week. Anxiety has a funny way of trying to “help” you out.
Although anxiety may have you feeling physically sick, we have to find ways to fight back. If it means to take baby steps until you can regain yourself, do that. Anxiety’s job is to make us afraid of the world around us, and since this pandemic has changed our world, anxiety is working overtime. Find peace and know that what we are facing right now will not become the norm. Pace yourself, love yourself, and above all, listen to yourself. We can make it!