10 Things I Need to Stop Worrying About

Writing this list was hard for me because worrying has become like second nature to me. Hopefully, by writing this list, I can help not only myself with worrying but help whoever reads this.

Stop worrying about things that are outside of your control. You can only handle what you can touch.

Stop worrying about people’s approval of you. You are entitled to make decisions for yourself without someone telling you that your choices are okay to them.

Stop worrying about the “what ifs.” When you allow yourself to focus on what may or could happen, you slow down getting to your goal.

Stop worrying about the future. It is your job to enjoy the time that you have right now. Tomorrow is not promised.

Stop worrying about how to fix other’s problems. When you take on someone’s problems, they began to become yours that you will never be able to fix. Your job is to focus on what you need to fix for you.

Stop worrying about being perfect. Sweetheart, we will never be perfect. But what we can be is our best while embracing our flaws.

Stop worrying about if you are where you should be. It is not about getting to a place at a specific time, but the lessons you learned on the way to that place.

Stop worrying about money. Your needs will be met. Trust the timing.

Stop worrying about issues from your past. You are not your past. You cannot change what has already happened, but you can grow from it.

Stop worrying about change. How will you grow and progress without changing? Changes bring on new chances at winning.

Take the Mask Off

Are we able to be our true selves wearing a mask? Will people be able to understand us when we are hiding behind something that is foreign? This video touches on how taking off our mask can help us in finding our freedom and true peace.
Music: Team Astro – Better, Together, Forever https://chll.to/95d04f90

Thoughts of a Manic

I have been dealing with mania for about two weeks now. It could be longer, but my mind is all over the place that I thought yesterday was Tuesday. WRONG! This post has no real topic, just different ideas floating around in my head while I try to work on anything, or even when I try to hold a conversation with people. I hope that this helps anyone that is also suffering from manic episodes.

A rundown of my day:

7 AM:

Hey girl! Let’s start our day!

Do you know what you want to do today?

Let’s work on our business plan.

No, let’s read a little.

No, how about we look at our assignment for next week.

I wonder if they received my mail-in ballot.

What time is it?

Let’s workout.

You should call your mom and see how she’s doing before you start your day.

What time is it?

Why are we still laying down in bed?

What time is it?

GET UP, GIRL!

9 AM:

We should go for a walk around the neighborhood

Let’s play Animal Crossing

Our business plan is top on the list for things to do today

I wonder if Donta is busy at work.

Let’s go for that walk.

What’s the weather like?

Why am I on YouTube?

Go to the Weather App.

What is the name of that song by Drake you like?

Noon:

We still have a lot to do.

Why are we laying down?

No, don’t crash. We have stuff to do!

Ariel, you are so lazy!

We do not need sleep. We are rested!

Let’s check our emails.

What time is it?

Today is going too slow.

I need to do some research regarding my plan

I. WILL. NOT. LOSE.

I’LL SLEEP WHEN I DIE!!

7 PM:

What is he saying to me?

That debate was insane.

If I were debating, I would have wiped the floor up with both of them.

What time is it?

I think I need to do more research on this plan.

I might need to pull an all-nighter to get this assignment done.

What day is it?

What is this conversation about again?

Focus. Focus. FOCUS ARIEL!

I should get my nails done.

Focus. She’s talking to you.

Do I have enough money to last me until my next job starts?

Focus. What did she say?

Do I need more leggings?

Stop going on Facebook! You know it upsets you.

What day is it?

Focus on the conversation you are having with your friend!

She probably thinks we don’t like her because we aren’t responding.

What did she say?

Should I eat? I not sure if I am hungry.

Focus.

Midnight:

I hate that I am up by myself.

Let’s go on Twitter.

No, try to sleep.

No, let’s sit down at our desk and write.

Write what?

What time is it?

You did nothing all day.

I need to work on my next assignment.

He sleeps so peacefully. One day I will know that. NOT.

Should I eat something?

I wish I had an idea of where to go to get my plans off the ground.

Focus. Focus on the plan

I am a screwup.

No, I got this! I will make it!

There is no time to sleep. Just work!

Damn, you forgot to call again!

I think I am going to start a podcast.

NO! I’m going to keep up with blogging.

YOUTUBE FOR THE WIN!!

3:00 AM:

KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN

Is he breathing?

Good, I can hear him!

What time is it?

Play one more game!

I hate that he’s asleep.

Google…

I finally allow myself to go to sleep, but my mind is fighting me all the way.

I hope that sharing this moment with you will help you seek help if you are dealing with racing thoughts. Finding someone that you can work with to assist you in navigating through the rough patches. I know that that rush of mania can be intoxicating, but what goes up must come down.

Escaping the Manic Monster

I just watched the video of Kanye West at his campaign event in South Carolina, and all I can do is cry. Not because I have love for him as an artist, or because he’s black like I am, but because I suffer from the Manic Monster within me as he does. Just like Kanye West, I have Bipolar Disorder, and the Manic Monster does not care who you are or what kind of money you have if it wants you, it will take hold of you.

Before I knew that I had Bipolar Disorder, I would catch myself doing a lot of rants as Kayne West does. There was never a real rhyme or reason for them; I would just keep going and going until I would tire myself out. One day, I cussed my husband out for an hour straight about how he does not understand that when he does not tell me when he is leaving one place to another with his friends, it will make me think that my husband is dead and I would not know how to find him. I could see the look of concern on his face as I began to cry and yell about the level of love I have for him, and if he loved me on that same level, he would not make me think that he is dead. The Manic Monster inside me had control over me, and I could not fight him off. It was only until my Psych Nurse let me know that I was Bipolar that I could figure out a way to fight back.

I want you to understand that a person who has this mental illness cannot help it when the Manic Monster comes to get them until that person is willing to find help from a mental health professional to fight against it. Kanye West needs help. He does not need a room full of people to encourage him to keep this energy up, or people to say how crazy he is. He needs someone willing to help him understand that it is okay to seek the help he needs. Kanye is in the dungeon of the Manic Monster, and if he wants to get out of there, he will have to fight his way out. Until then, I will pray for him. He needs it.

Are We Really Free?

I just celebrated my 33rd birthday yesterday, but I cannot find joy. Another black man was sentenced to death before he could ever stand before a judge. I cannot wrap my head around why black lives are not taken into account. Why are we always the target? A black man is murdered, but instead of talking about that, they will bring up his run-ins with the police. Does that mean he is not eligible for fair treatment by the police? Help me out because I am trying to find the reason we cannot have justice.

I think about my husband, my father, my brother and brother-in-law, male cousins, my nephews, and uncles leaving out of the safety of their homes, not knowing if today will be the day someone decides to make them their next kill. I pray every morning that they are alright, and they make it back home. This should not be the world that we live in. America is supposed to be the land of the free, right? Yeah right. We are not all free. If we can’t get the chance to plead our case before our lives are seized, then freedom is not for all. I am becoming more and more numb every time I see a black person murdered. This should not be life. It is so difficult to find happiness when sadness is all around us.

We have to fight—black lives matter. Please hear us when we say that we matter. We want the freedom that was promised to us. Allow us to live. We just want to matter too.

Is It the Devil Or Is It an Illness? How the Black Community Handles Mental Illness

“Just pray about it,” This is what most black people hear when it comes to mental health. “God will take it all away.” Do not get me wrong; I am a Christian, but just like you cannot pray away Diabetes, you cannot pray away mental illness. Why is it that black people feel that having a mental illness is something that cannot coexist with our faith in God? Someone once told me that my mental illness is the attack of The Enemy. The Enemy? Again, I believe in God, but I also believe that God will give us things that he feels like we can carry.

In 2 Corinthians 12:1-10, Paul speaks about a weakness that he has. He continues to say that he asked for God to take away that weakness, but God would not. Paul said that God told him that he could be strong with that weakness. Paul, in verse 10, realizes that embracing his weakness will make him strong. I guess this may be something that Church folks omit. God even challenged Job if you rather use the Old Testament instead of the new. We must stop making our weaknesses something that the Devil placed on us and know that God gave us the power to handle it. Do not let anyone make you feel like your mental illness is an evil spirit. It is okay to pray to God to give you wisdom and direction, just like it is okay to go to therapy and take medicine to manage your mental health.

Black people, we have to understand that mental illness is not going to go away. If you continue to sweep it under the pile of dust will become bigger. We are seeing our people suffer on the streets, and instead of helping someone get help, you turn our heads and say the Devil got in them. Please family, I am begging you, stop taking mental illness as a curse and start looking at it like you do Cancer or Heart Disease. We can only get better if we are feeling to take the blinders off and face the truth.

#BlackMentalHealthMatters