Today is another day I let depression and anxiety sleepover in my brain. This time they brought with them a list of things that scare me. Here goes nothing.
I am scared of change. The funny thing is, I am a Gemini, and change is something that we should enjoy. That’s why you can’t trust the signs. Not at all.
I am scared of not being in control. I hate having to leave the decision making to someone or something else (I am a Type-A personality if you couldn’t tell).
I am scared of being a failure. I am so scared of failing; I will work myself to the point of wanting to pass out. Well, at least I didn’t fail, huh (that may be a fail, though).
I am scared of being by myself. To know that I have people on my side means the world to me, and to ever lose that, I don’t know what I would do. Also, don’t tell me that I was born alone; that doesn’t help me stop feeling alone and afraid.
Lastly, I am scared of letting people in. I love hard. If I say I am riding for you, I’m riding until the wheels fall off. With this mindset, I have seen myself giving my all to someone who will never show up for me. It’s safe to say if I leave my walls up, I can save myself from the fear.
My therapist said that it’s okay to be scared, but you have to find the willingness to push through. This means you can be scared AND still come out of that situation as the winner. I am working daily to fight through what scares me; if you are afraid of it, just take my hand. We will make it through together. It may be scary, but it will not defeat us.
I know it has been a while since we have spoken. To tell you that it is hard not to reach out to you is a huge understatement. I want you to know that I am not mad at you. I want you to know that it was not your fault that we are not speaking. I just think that although we share great memories and love, we need to be a part. I don’t know how long it will be or if we will ever be how we once were. I play a role in this separation too. I know I push things more than allow things to happen when it is the right time. Forgive me for that. I mean no harm by it.
I want you to know that you are a person that I will love forever. You are very important to me, friend. There is nothing I would not do for you. I hope you still know that. You are family, and sometimes family gets distant. But the distance does not change the fact that you matter in my life. I hope when you read this that you are not bothered by this. I hope that no ill feelings are resurfaced. I want to know that this letter gave you time to reflect on great lasting memories.
I love you, friend, and no time apart will take the love I have for you away.
What about your friends, will they stand their ground, will they let you down again? What about your friends, are they gonna be lowdown, will they ever be around, or will they turn their backs on you?What About Your Friends? – TLC
Friendships, like any relationship, needs two people to work on keeping it going. When one person is giving their all, and the other person is just taking what is being given to them, it can make the relationship one-sided. We have all had moments playing both parts, so how should we fix it?
One thing we should do is sit down and tell your friends what you need to make the friendship work. How will your friends know what you need if you are not expressing them? The next thing is setting your boundaries. You have the right to tell your friends what you will or will not take in your friendship. No one should be in a friendship or any relationship that your deal breakers are not being taken seriously. We all deserve to be respected, so require it from your friends. Lastly, just because you have been friends for years, does not mean you have to stay in a friendship that you do not see growth in it. As the saying goes, “people come in your life for a reason or a season.” People outgrow each other, and that is okay. Do not feel bad if you have to end a friendship. Ask yourself this question; would you rather have thousands of friends with no real connection, or would you rather have one friend that you have an awesome connection with? Walking away from a friendship does not mean you are trying to fight the person or trying to be hateful; you just see yourself on different pages from that friend.
Being in a friendship can be harder to work on than being in a romantic relationship. This is the person you laugh and cry with. But understand this, you can only be in a relationship that both people are willing to grow and invest in. Make the right choice for yourself when establishing your friendships. It is about the quality of your friendships, not the quantity.