Since we are closing out this year, I want to ask you some questions before entering 2021. I would like the readers of this post to answer at least one of the questions in the comments below. If it helps, write down the questions before answering them. Let’s make this post an interesting one.
-What was one thing you learned about yourself this year?
-What mistakes did you make in 2020?
-What successes did you have in 2020?
-What was your favorite memory of 2020?
-How would you describe this year?
-What is one thing you are leaving behind in 2020?
-What was your biggest challenge in 2020? How did you overcome it?
-If you could give 2020 a theme, what would it be and why?
-Are you ready for 2021? Why or why not?
I hope that 2021 brings nothing but happiness and enjoyment to every person that is reading this post. Allow 2021 to be the reset you need to jump-start everything you are trying to achieve. Happy New Year!
One affirmation that I love to use daily is, “I’m doing my best.” We can all benefit from this affirmation in our everyday life. Now you may be thinking, how can this affirmation help me? Well, let’s go ahead and dive in.
How often do we start something new, and once we see our progress, we begin to beat ourselves up? Please do not tell me I am the only one that does this. Why is that? Well, it is because we are our harshest critics. But we do not need to hard on ourselves. We are allowed to work on things without thinking it will be done right on the first try. We might not want to admit it, but we are not perfect (Ari, this goes for you, girl). We are not in a race with anyone but ourselves. So guess what? We can make as many mistakes, and wrong turns as we want. It is hard to believe it because we want things to fall in place the first time but trust me, the best; we are giving right now is worth a million gold medals. Trust the process. Take the time to enjoy the work you are creating and watch the joy it will bring you.
I have some questions for you. For starters, do you know that it is 5 in the morning, and you have me up worrying again? Is it because you like picking with me, or do you really think that I like not having sleep? Please help me understand your role in this toxic relationship you have placed me in. I want to be able to sleep without taking a pill to shut you up. PLEASE LET ME SLEEP! I BEG YOU! We can talk when the sun comes up about whatever you have planned for us to do today. Just let me sleep, girl. I have something important to do, and I would like to be well-rested. Is that okay with you? Damn. You are so needy, and I cannot handle it anymore. I know we are stuck with each other but work with me, please.
I know that the last two months have been tough for you but know that we will get through it. We don’t have to be perfect. We are fine the way we are. I know you feel that we should be on at all times; however, we are not a performer. We deserve to take breaks and try again later. We have to be patient with ourselves. We are not in a race with anyone. We can take our time until it is our time. We are loved and respected regardless if we make our goal today or two weeks from now. Ari, we have to stop being hard on ourselves and love ourselves harder. We will be okay. We are everything we need right and more. We do not lack for anything. We have our whole life to get to our calling. Don’t rush the small victories to see the main prize.
WE ARE LOVED ARI. Please remember that.
How hard is it for you to say no? If you are like me, saying no feels like slapping someone in the face. Saying no makes me feel guilty even when I have a reason to say it. So what do you do? Should you say yes forever? Well, I have a list we can all use to help fight the fear of saying no.
It is okay to say no…
If it doesn’t make you happy
If you feel as if someone is forcing you
If it doesn’t fit your plans
If it makes you uncomfortable
If you want to be by yourself and relax
If your feelings are not being valued
If it goes against what you believe in
If it’s a family member
If you have no reason other than you wanting to do it
Understand that it does not happen overnight. But remember, you have the right to say no to anyone about anything. Saying no helps protect your feelings, so use it when you can.
Writing this list was hard for me because worrying has become like second nature to me. Hopefully, by writing this list, I can help not only myself with worrying but help whoever reads this.
Stop worrying about things that are outside of your control. You can only handle what you can touch.
Stop worrying about people’s approval of you. You are entitled to make decisions for yourself without someone telling you that your choices are okay to them.
Stop worrying about the “what ifs.” When you allow yourself to focus on what may or could happen, you slow down getting to your goal.
Stop worrying about the future. It is your job to enjoy the time that you have right now. Tomorrow is not promised.
Stop worrying about how to fix other’s problems. When you take on someone’s problems, they began to become yours that you will never be able to fix. Your job is to focus on what you need to fix for you.
Stop worrying about being perfect. Sweetheart, we will never be perfect. But what we can be is our best while embracing our flaws.
Stop worrying about if you are where you should be. It is not about getting to a place at a specific time, but the lessons you learned on the way to that place.
Stop worrying about money. Your needs will be met. Trust the timing.
Stop worrying about issues from your past. You are not your past. You cannot change what has already happened, but you can grow from it.
Stop worrying about change. How will you grow and progress without changing? Changes bring on new chances at winning.
I had no idea what slow down means. I felt that if I sat down longer than a minute, I would get worried that I would not get things done. I have been this way since I was 11, and this “get up and go” mindset has only gotten worse.
“Ariel, when do you ever just stop moving and relax?” My therapist asked during our last session. “What does that mean?” I said, laughing so hard that I begin to cry. My therapist just shook her head and responded to my silly question by saying, “You cannot keep going without stopping and taking some time for you.” I thought to myself, “what if I do need to slow down?”, “What if I am not getting enough rest?” “Well, I have a lot to do.”
Friday, I had a 12-hour workday. I thought I was going to pass out as soon as I came through the door of my house. I didn’t even say hello to my husband before I fell asleep on the bed. When I woke up the next day, I told myself that I was going to take a day to pamper myself. I went to get a beautiful mani and pedi, and I must say it was amazing! I guess my therapist was right; if I do not slow myself down, my body will make me do it.
I know that it is easy to forget that rest is needed to help your body recharge from the work that you do. We are not robots. We cannot put ourselves on a charger for 20 minutes, and we are back at a full battery. If your situation is not on fire, it is safe to say that it can wait until you get your rest. Understand that you only get one body, so treat it with the utmost care.
Today there was a rainstorm that lasted about an hour where I work. I looked out of my office window at the rain and began to think of the most harmful and negative things I could come up with. I left work feeling so sad and defeated. As I was driving home, I saw the biggest rainbow I have ever laid eyes on, and I began to smile from ear to ear. The weight of my sadness and defeat from the day lifted. I could finally breathe.
I have always been told that rainbows symbolize promise. I think we can all need a little promise to get us through these rough times we are facing. We are dealing with so much pain and anger; it feels as if we will never see the light again. But what I would like us to do is think about a rainbow. Better yet, find a picture of a rainbow and make it your lock screen. Once you do that, make a promise to yourself. Your promise can be as big or as small as you want it. When you come up with that promise, write in your notebook on your phone; that way, if you start feeling down, you can look at your rainbow and that promise you made to yourself.
It may seem like a lot right now, but trust me, it will come in handy when you need it.